Wednesday, May 12, 2010

My greatest fear

Okay, so maybe it is not my greatest fear. Fear is not the term I'm really going for here. Neurosis might be more fitting. Or perhaps it is more akin to being a hypochondriac. However you would like to label it, my fear/neurosis/hypochondriacness (That's a word, right? It is if I say it is.) is that I always think that I am pregnant. Always.

Now, I know where babies come from. I also know how to prevent babies from making a home in my womb. There are many methods for this. However, I doubt the effectiveness of all of these methods. Let's just say that one of these methods failed me once and I am now forever jaded. Now, every little muscle twitch, gas bubble, or sore spot suddenly turns into a baby kicking me from the inside. I do no let myself go and take pregnancy tests all the time. Not that I don't want to. I would love the reassurance of a single line instead of two, but I won't let my craziness go that far. It's my little way of keeping a lid on the crazy.

But maybe I should just get a stock pile of prego tests because my real greatest fear is that I am one of those women who goes into the hospital because they think they have appendicitis and really they are in labor for babies they didn't know were growing inside of them. That's my real greatest fear, I think. Well that comes in second. First is something bad happening to one of my kids or my husband. Obviously.

Time for another disclaimer. I love my children more than life itself. I would do anything for them. I can just hear people calling me a horrible baby hating mother right now. So to all of you, I love my kids and I LOVE being a mom. It's just that I'm good with two. I like the size of our family. Besides, DH said if I ever did get pregnant now I would have to have two because we couldn't have just one kid that was so much younger than the older two. I say bahumbug.

These are my babies when they were still babies. I love them. Even the one in the middle.

Anyways, if I ever did get pregnant I would be happy, even thrilled, about it after the initial shock wore off. I am of the frame of mind that babies are never a bad thing. Just sometimes unexpected.


  1. You can borrow my babies any time you want to get your fix.


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