Friday, February 25, 2011

Kids say the darndest things. Part I

I've been saving this one up for a while now. Sonny Boy has said some pretty funny and embarrassing things and I was just waiting for Princess Blondie to do something equally mortifying so that they can share the shame on this blog. Tomorrow I will bring you Princess Blondie's gem, but first up is Sonny Boy with what is probably the most embarrassing moment of my adult life. And I have done some pretty embarrassing things.

Last year Sonny Boy started Cub Scouts. He and ten or so fellow Tiger Scouts started meeting every week. Scouts was supposed to be DH's department, but since he commutes to Anchorage for work everyday, I often brought Sonny Boy to the meetings while DH would get there when he could. Cub Scouts get to do lots of fun things like go on field trips to the fire station and build tool boxes at Spenards. One such outing was a trip to the police station with one of the fellow dads who is a state trooper. DH was on parental duty for this field trip so I wasn't there,  but I do know they talked a lot about saying no to drugs and drinking and driving because the next morning Sonny Boy yelled at me for drinking my coffee while I was driving him to school.

Mom, you're not supposed to drink and drive!!

That should have been my first clue that I needed to clarify some information that he had received on this field trip.

The next week rolled around and I was on duty to bring Sonny Boy to Cub Scouts. The first order of business was to review all the things they learned from the field trip the week before. Hands were popping up and the boys were telling our leader all the bad things that we shouldn't do.

Don't drink and drive!

Don't speed or you'll get a ticket!

Wear your seat belt!

Don't do drugs!

Sonny Boy's hand pops up.

My daddy does drugs.

A long, awkward pause ensued while I was at a complete loss for words. I literally could not find words in my brain to spew out of my mouth. Not one word. There's nothing like silence to make you look guilty and I couldn't find a single thing to say to refute our son's ridiculous accusation. I was too flabbergasted. Where on earth did Sonny Boy come up with this?

My husband does NOT do drugs. He can't. He was active Air Force for 6 years, he now is in the Air Guard and he works as a contractor on an Air Force base. They can do a random drug test whenever they want. And they have. Unless you like getting kicked out of the service and losing your job, you don't do drugs.

Our leader kept the meeting moving along while I turned various shades of red and tried to melt into the floor. My face was certainly hot enough to melt. I wish it had. As soon as the meeting was over I hustled the kids out to the truck and started interrogating Sonny Boy.

Why on earth would you say that Dad does drugs!?!

Well, I saw him drink a beer once.

Are you kidding me?!

Clearly some information got jumbled around in his brain on this field trip to the police station. He accused me of drinking and driving for having coffee in the truck, and he accused my husband of using illicit drugs because he drank a beer in the safety our own home. At this point I never wanted to bring my son out in public again for fear of what he might say. We had a very long talk about the difference between drugs and alcohol and what drinking and driving really meant. And to never, ever, ever tell people that his father does drugs.

The worst part of this is that his leader actually believed him (she recently confessed this to me). It was at the beginning of the year when no one really knew each other. I can't really blame her. If it was some other kid that said it I probably would have believed him. She is now one of my best friends up here. In fact, we are in book club together. I'm pretty sure that at this point she knows that we don't do drugs. But just in case, Jill, nobody in this house is using any drugs. I don't even like to take cold medicine.

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