Monday, February 28, 2011

Kids say the darndest things. Part II

My kids do say some embarrassing things. I can usually count on Princess Blondie to be less embarrassing in public. Sonny Boy is usually the one saying and doing ridiculous things, but once in a while Princess Blondie comes up with a real gem. Luckily for me, this one was only a conversation between her and I in the privacy of our own kitchen. No public humiliation involved until now, because now, for whatever reason, I feel the need to share it with you. Probably just becuase it was so funny I had to share it with someone.

To preface this story you need a visual aid on the structural differences between our dogs.

This is Bob. He is long, lean, and thin. He is also a piece of work. Lots of fun, relatively obedient, but still learning the way things work around here. If he pukes on my new rug one more time I may need to get rid of him. Seriously, anywhere else in the house would be fine, but no, he always chooses to puke on my rug.

This is Lila, more commonly known on this blog as Stinky Beagle because, well, she's a stinky beagle. Her build is short and squat. Rotund is a good word for her. Here she is showing off her plump belly. I'm not quite sure why she has saggy belly skin since she's never had puppies. Sonny Boy's new favorite descriptor for her is chubby. She's not just Lila to him anymore, she is now Chubby Lila or Chubby Beagle.

Bob has recently decided that he is alpha male to my children. They are annoying young pups that are just, well, annoying. To nip this in the bud before it becomes a problem we have started to crack down on Bob and make him obey the kids. They are alpha, he is the peon. If he really wants to dominate someone it will have to be Lila.

To work on this whole "my kids are alpha you are just a peon" thing we've been making the kids feed Bob while he has to sit and stay and wait until they tell him he can eat. While we were doing this one day Princess Blondie tells me that Bob is too thin and we need to feed him more. My response was that was just the way Bob's body was made. He was a good weight. Then I had to go and ruin a good thing and I decided to make this an object lesson.

"See, honey, Bob is kind of like you. You are tall and thin, just like Bob is long and thin. He eats enough food, that's just the way his body is supposed to be."

"Yeah,  Mom, I'm like Bob and you are like Lila."

Well, super. But hey, can't blame the kid for being honest. I can't contest that I do in fact have more physical traits in common with Lila than I do with Bob (Do you see now why  I finally told you Stinky Beagle's real name. It's bad enough to be compared to her physically, I don't also want everyone to think I smell like her).

I then countered her argument with:

"Well, yeah, I guess I do, but I'm getting thinner now, right?" (Weight Watchers and I are good friends now.)

"Yeah, Mom. You used to be this fat," she said spreading her arms as far as they would go, "but now you're only this fat," she said moving her hands in a few inches. "Some moms look like Bob, but lots of moms look like Lila after they have kids." At least I'm not alone. I guess lots of moms look like me. And a beagle.

Just in case I was starting to feel too good about myself after losing 35 pounds, it's good to have a kid around to make sure I know I still have a ways to go. Its good to get a little dose of reality now and then. What can I say, I brought this on myself. Me and my stupid object lessons.


  1. Hahahaha. We're getting there, we're getting there. 2/10ths of a pound at a time!

  2. Still chuckling over this...AND I can certainly relate! We girls just carry our extra weight around our bellies and above! Keep up the great work Beth and Lisa...You can do it!!


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