Kids say the darndest things. Part II

My kids do say some embarrassing things. I can usually count on Princess Blondie to be less embarrassing in public. Sonny Boy is usually the one saying and doing ridiculous things, but once in a while Princess Blondie comes up with a real gem. Luckily for me, this one was only a conversation between her and I in the privacy of our own kitchen. No public humiliation involved until now, because now, for whatever reason, I feel the need to share it with you. Probably just becuase it was so funny I had to share it with someone.

To preface this story you need a visual aid on the structural differences between our dogs.

This is Bob. He is long, lean, and thin. He is also a piece of work. Lots of fun, relatively obedient, but still learning the way things work around here. If he pukes on my new rug one more time I may need to get rid of him. Seriously, anywhere else in the house would be fine, but no, he always chooses to puke on my rug.

This is Lila, more commonly known on this blog as Stinky Beagle because, well, she's a stinky beagle. Her build is short and squat. Rotund is a good word for her. Here she is showing off her plump belly. I'm not quite sure why she has saggy belly skin since she's never had puppies. Sonny Boy's new favorite descriptor for her is chubby. She's not just Lila to him anymore, she is now Chubby Lila or Chubby Beagle.

Bob has recently decided that he is alpha male to my children. They are annoying young pups that are just, well, annoying. To nip this in the bud before it becomes a problem we have started to crack down on Bob and make him obey the kids. They are alpha, he is the peon. If he really wants to dominate someone it will have to be Lila.

To work on this whole "my kids are alpha you are just a peon" thing we've been making the kids feed Bob while he has to sit and stay and wait until they tell him he can eat. While we were doing this one day Princess Blondie tells me that Bob is too thin and we need to feed him more. My response was that was just the way Bob's body was made. He was a good weight. Then I had to go and ruin a good thing and I decided to make this an object lesson.

"See, honey, Bob is kind of like you. You are tall and thin, just like Bob is long and thin. He eats enough food, that's just the way his body is supposed to be."

"Yeah,  Mom, I'm like Bob and you are like Lila."

Well, super. But hey, can't blame the kid for being honest. I can't contest that I do in fact have more physical traits in common with Lila than I do with Bob (Do you see now why  I finally told you Stinky Beagle's real name. It's bad enough to be compared to her physically, I don't also want everyone to think I smell like her).

I then countered her argument with:

"Well, yeah, I guess I do, but I'm getting thinner now, right?" (Weight Watchers and I are good friends now.)

"Yeah, Mom. You used to be this fat," she said spreading her arms as far as they would go, "but now you're only this fat," she said moving her hands in a few inches. "Some moms look like Bob, but lots of moms look like Lila after they have kids." At least I'm not alone. I guess lots of moms look like me. And a beagle.

Just in case I was starting to feel too good about myself after losing 35 pounds, it's good to have a kid around to make sure I know I still have a ways to go. Its good to get a little dose of reality now and then. What can I say, I brought this on myself. Me and my stupid object lessons.

Kids say the darndest things. Part I

I've been saving this one up for a while now. Sonny Boy has said some pretty funny and embarrassing things and I was just waiting for Princess Blondie to do something equally mortifying so that they can share the shame on this blog. Tomorrow I will bring you Princess Blondie's gem, but first up is Sonny Boy with what is probably the most embarrassing moment of my adult life. And I have done some pretty embarrassing things.

Last year Sonny Boy started Cub Scouts. He and ten or so fellow Tiger Scouts started meeting every week. Scouts was supposed to be DH's department, but since he commutes to Anchorage for work everyday, I often brought Sonny Boy to the meetings while DH would get there when he could. Cub Scouts get to do lots of fun things like go on field trips to the fire station and build tool boxes at Spenards. One such outing was a trip to the police station with one of the fellow dads who is a state trooper. DH was on parental duty for this field trip so I wasn't there,  but I do know they talked a lot about saying no to drugs and drinking and driving because the next morning Sonny Boy yelled at me for drinking my coffee while I was driving him to school.

Mom, you're not supposed to drink and drive!!

That should have been my first clue that I needed to clarify some information that he had received on this field trip.

The next week rolled around and I was on duty to bring Sonny Boy to Cub Scouts. The first order of business was to review all the things they learned from the field trip the week before. Hands were popping up and the boys were telling our leader all the bad things that we shouldn't do.

Don't drink and drive!

Don't speed or you'll get a ticket!

Wear your seat belt!

Don't do drugs!

Sonny Boy's hand pops up.

My daddy does drugs.

A long, awkward pause ensued while I was at a complete loss for words. I literally could not find words in my brain to spew out of my mouth. Not one word. There's nothing like silence to make you look guilty and I couldn't find a single thing to say to refute our son's ridiculous accusation. I was too flabbergasted. Where on earth did Sonny Boy come up with this?

My husband does NOT do drugs. He can't. He was active Air Force for 6 years, he now is in the Air Guard and he works as a contractor on an Air Force base. They can do a random drug test whenever they want. And they have. Unless you like getting kicked out of the service and losing your job, you don't do drugs.

Our leader kept the meeting moving along while I turned various shades of red and tried to melt into the floor. My face was certainly hot enough to melt. I wish it had. As soon as the meeting was over I hustled the kids out to the truck and started interrogating Sonny Boy.

Why on earth would you say that Dad does drugs!?!

Well, I saw him drink a beer once.

Are you kidding me?!

Clearly some information got jumbled around in his brain on this field trip to the police station. He accused me of drinking and driving for having coffee in the truck, and he accused my husband of using illicit drugs because he drank a beer in the safety our own home. At this point I never wanted to bring my son out in public again for fear of what he might say. We had a very long talk about the difference between drugs and alcohol and what drinking and driving really meant. And to never, ever, ever tell people that his father does drugs.

The worst part of this is that his leader actually believed him (she recently confessed this to me). It was at the beginning of the year when no one really knew each other. I can't really blame her. If it was some other kid that said it I probably would have believed him. She is now one of my best friends up here. In fact, we are in book club together. I'm pretty sure that at this point she knows that we don't do drugs. But just in case, Jill, nobody in this house is using any drugs. I don't even like to take cold medicine.

My new love

I like art. I don't know a thing about art at all. Not. one. thing. I am an art ignoramus. I just know that certain artists or pieces of work capture my attention. I like what I like. There is really no rhyme or reason to it. I go through phases when I become infatuated with someone in particular. If you look around my house you will see prints from Gustav Klimt (my favorites are Tree of Life and Sea Serpents. I still don't have the latter yet, although I do have some smaller prints of just the faces.), Natasha Wescoat (the tree collection), and one piece from Lisa Kowalski. My newest infatuation is with V Rae. 

We went to the Sea Life Center when DH and I were in Seward, and along with the incredible  sea creatures that we got to view, we also saw some amazing artwork. In the lower level of the center, V Rae's artwork is displayed alongside the tanks and aquariums.

I loved all of her work, but this one is the one that really stopped me in my tracks. Maybe I just have a thing for moose, but I really love this one, and it just so happens that this is the first animal portrait she had ever done. Prior to spotting this moose in her yard and painting it, she had painted flowers.

The descritpions of her paintings are almost as good as the paintings themselves.

She has a story about how she met each animal and she really has a connection and relationship with them.

I'm always so impressed with people who can paint in watercolor. I don't know much about art, but I do know how finicky watercolor can be. Watercolor doesn't stay put like oil painting. I can't imagine making art like that with paint that really has a mind of it's own. 

My pictures of her pictures really don't do her work justice. You really should check out her website. There are many more pictures there. Some day I'll get one of her prints. The hardest part will be picking just one.

Happy Valentine's Day. I'm a little late.

I started to rifle through my pictures from DH and I's getaway weekend so I could do a Seward post and then I realized the magnitude of the task I had taken on. I took a lot of pictures so this is going to take me some time. In the meantime, I thought I'd share this.

I got a lovely bouquet of tulips and they're not from my hubby. I guess I have a secret admirer (even though I know his name-- he is 4 years old, and is one of my students. I can still call it a secret admirer if I want to). It absolutely made my day when he walked into school Monday with flowers for me my teacher aid. Pink for her and these beautiful red and yellow ones for me. There is nothing more cheerful than tulips. It makes me smile every time I walk in the kitchen. I think I may need to carry them around with me so I can smile all the time (although that would make me look like a constant bridesmaid, minus the awful dress). How can you be upset with tulips staring at you?

DH did not drop the ball, though, even if the only flowers in the house came from a young man he's never met.

Nope, he ordered me a package and made me open it the day it came: on the 12th. I got two cast iron skillets. One big one and one little bitty one just right for making my egg for breakfast every morning. Cooking on them makes me think of my dad making breakfast for me when I was little. While most may not consider cast iron skillets to be a very romantic gift, they are to me. DH knew I wanted some but I never got any. I just used my flaking Teflon pans.  Perhaps he just didn't want me to poison him and the kids with Teflon any longer. Either way, I really love them. This Valentine's day will go down in the annals as a good one. 

To stencil, or not to stencil

Computers are fixed. Here are the pictures of what I finally decided to do in the bathroom. I'm pretty indecisive when it comes to home decor because I feel like I have to live with it forever, although repainting is certainly not that difficult. Especially when DH is the one who does the painting. He's pretty good at it. 

So right after I asked you all for your opinions on stripes I decided to go with a stencil. I wanted to find one that looked something like this from some towels I picked up.

I found the perfect stencil on Fresh Crush. I traced the pattern on some poster board, cut it out with an exacto knife, and then got to work.

 

What do you think? It's exactly the same, is it not?

This one small wall took me three days and I still have to go back to do touch ups. I love the way stencils look, but on our textured walls they are really labor intensive. By the way, I really want to know what is this state's obsession with textured walls? I'm not sure there is a house in Alaska with normal, flat, non textured walls. They drive me crazy! Next time I say I want to do a stencil, someone talk me out of it, ok?

The post with no pictures. It feels weird.

I was all set to sit down and finally write a new post today and our PC is not working and my laptop doesn't like my flash drive. I was going to give up but then I decided that I guess I don't have to have pictures in every post, but it just feels a little wrong without it. You'll just have to use your imaginations. 

So here is a list of random things that I have been up to since I left you with my bathroom paint conundrum and then fell off the blogosphere.

1. I heard all of your vertical and horizontal stripe opinions (mostly on facebook. I love all of your comments, no matter where you leave them!) and then I had a moment of panic. I had posted my last entry, gone to bed and then lay there thinking. I finally decided on horizontal. I then woke up, read that everyone (minus Heidi) thought that I should do vertical and suddenly didn't know what to do anymore! Then I got a burr in my britches, and decided that stripes were out and a stencil was in! I love it, but it did take me for.ev.er. In fact, it is still not done. I have it all on the wall, but now I get to go back and touch it all up. Ugh. You'd think I'd have learned my lesson with stencils on a textured walls. I did a stencil in Princess Blondie's room last year and it took me three days. The bathroom was no different. Once DH fixes my computer problems I'll show you pictures.

2. Sonny Boy had a birthday. It was a big success, even if I didn't get the bathroom finished before hand. We finally got some snow and the kids rode around on sleds towed behind the four-wheelers. It is the cleanest my house has even been after a birthday party. I fed them and gave them cake and then promptly kicked them outdoors. He didn't even have time to open his presents before it was time for everyone to leave. I know it was a great success because one of his friends was crying  because he didn't want to go. Crying is usually bad at birthday parties, but this time I marked it as a sure sign that this was one rockin' party. The best part of the party? My husband and brother-in-law took the kids outside while the rest of us moms sat in my nice warm (well, it's warm compared to outside, but you may want to bring slippers and a blanket if you visit my house) living room, visited, and drank coffee.

3. My husband and I went away for the weekend. Together. Alone. With no children. I think this is the first time that we have ever done that and we have been married for eight years next month. My wonderful friend, Lindsay, has watched my children many many nights for us when we lived in North Carolina, but this is the first time that we actually went away by ourselves. We did visit my brother and his girlfriend in DC once, and while it was a ton of fun, it was not terribly romantic. Brothers have a way of killing the romance.

We drove down to Seward as I have never been south of Anchorage, and we pretty much had the whole town to ourselves. Seward is pretty quiet in the winter. There are great restaurants, though, and the Sea Life Center is really neat. A definite must see. We drove all around and explored every side street and we even stumbled upon the prison on the other side of the harbor. We already have plans to go back in the summer (to Seward, not the prison). We want to go see Exit Glacier and take a ferry tour of Resurrection Bay. We'll even take the kids with us this time.

4.We watched the Super Bowl at my sister's house last night. I'm glad that the Packers won even though we have some friends that are big Steelers fans. I just have a hard time getting behind a team with a quarterback who is such a creep. Plus, you can always find me pulling for the underdog, so that made my wish for Green Bay to win a pretty easy choice to make.

5. After we got home from my sister's last night I put the kids to bed an hour early and then I went to bed. It was 7 pm. I don't think I've ever done that before. I usually am lucky if I get to bed while the clock still says pm, but I was tired. I slept 12 hours and now I feel a cold coming on. Guess that explains it.

6. My sister started work on a new floor in the hospital. She now has a set schedule, which means I now have a set schedule of watching my nephews. I also started going to a new Bible study at church. I also volunteer at the kids' school every Friday. I also teach preschool. I also drive my kids around to Scouts and whatnot and do homework with them, make dinner for them, and try to clean the house every once in a while. I also try to scrounge up enough time to post on my blog on a basis that is more than biannual (although I'm not doing a very good job on the last one). I iz busy.... It may sound like I'm complaining but don't get me wrong. I like love my life.