Why I'm a horrible mother... and an idiot.

I had to eat a little mommy crow yesterday. It was tasty. 

Here's a little background info. Princess Blondie is a smarty pants. She comes home from school and looks at flash cards for fun. Her favorite thing to do last year was to write out my grocery list for me. Over, and over, and over.  She learned to read on her own. Well, not on her own, but I certainly never taught her. She watched her brother read to me and do flash cards with me every day for his homework and she just picked it up. 

In her kindergarten class they are still working on counting to ten. I really don't know why she isn't bored to tears at school. After moving up here last year and not knowing anyone, I think she is just so happy to be around other kids  that she doesn't care what she does. Her response to the news that she would be going to kindergarten this fall was "Great, now I don't have to be BORED all the time when Sonny Boy goes to school!" I see how I rate.

The only new thing she has learned at all this year is what a rhombus is and sign language. She now signs to me on a regular basis so I've had to brush up on my learn American sign language so I know what she is saying to me. She is constantly signing "I love you" to me and I keep accidentally keep giving her the universal sign for "Rock on!" They are deceptively similar signs.

The other day I was looking for our number flash cards so that I could have her practice putting 1- 20 or 30 in the right order (she has trouble with her teens, she gets 17 and 70 confused because they sound so similar). I looked through our deck of flash cards and about half of them were missing. It's a little hard to make her put the numbers from 1 to 20 in order if she is missing the 3, 4, 5, 7, 11, 13, and 15.  I couldn't figure it out. I can understand missing one of them, but how did so many disappear? Surely I would have seen them floating around the house somewhere. 

I then let Princess Blondie have what for for losing all these cards. You really need to be more responsible with your stuff, I told her. What good are flash cards if you're missing half of them? I won't be buying you more stuff if you can't keep track of the stuff you have, et cetera, et cetera. I finished scolding her and then she just told me the numbers off the flashcards instead of putting them in order. 

Yesterday I found her sitting on the couch with her pile of flashcards. Do flashcards with me, Mommy, she asked. How can you say no to a kid who wants to do homework?  I sat down and showed her the cards. I was about halfway through when I noticed that the flashcards were double sided. These have numbers on both sides?! Yeah, I knew that, replied Princess Blondie. After she finished her flashcards I checked BOTH sides and found 1-20. They were all there. I'm an idiot. And I ate some crow.

I apologized for getting upset with her and she forgave me and told me I was the best mom in the world and gave me a big hug. That almost made me feel worse. I might feel better if she were at least a little upset with me. 

Then she signed I love you to me and I signed rock on to her. 

I don't think I'll ever get it right, but she knows what I mean.

You gotta love him

My husband's birthday is coming up soon. He's in Texas for a while so I asked him to send me a list of things he may want for his birthday. This is what he emailed me.

Let me see. Here is a few things:

Raiders coffee cup
A pistol
Crocks?
Tattoo?
A good watch

I burst out laughing when I read this. I told him how funny I thought it was and he didn't understand. I think it's a funny list and he thinks it's perfectly reasonable. And well, it is... to him. 

Let me break it down for you. 

Raiders coffee cup: DH is a lifelong Raiders fan and a new coffee drinker. He started drinking coffee last winter when the sun didn't rise until 9:30 or 10:00. Coffee makes the early morning commute a little easier. 

A pistol: We live in Alaska. That should be a good enough explanation but I'll elaborate. There's lots of big critters out there. A pistol is bear insurance. Plus boys just like guns.

Crocks: Cold hard floors in the winter. You have to wear something on your feet or they just might fall off.

Tattoo: Once you start you just can't stop with one. 

A good watch: This is my fall back gift. I've given him a few watches over the years. He wears them. They eventually break or wear out. I guess it's time I invest in a nicer watch for him.

My husband is a man of varied interests and it shows. Asking for a pistol, a tattoo, and crocks in the same list is just hilarious to me. But really, once I break it down, it is perfectly resonable. Hilarious, but reasonable.

I'm just lucky that there isn't some weird computer gadget on this list because then he has to buy his own gift. He was being nice to me this year. At least I know what all these things are. He's still on his own when it comes to a pistol, unless, of course, he would like a pretty little number with pearl inlay that can fit in my purse.

The way my mind works

My neighbor came to me the other day and told me that if we ever wanted to sell our house, he would love to buy it. If he wasn't home, just let his wife know. Then he went on about how great our little culdesac neighborhood is. I agreed. I love it here. I told him we have no immediate plans to move, but if we ever did, I'd be sure to let him know. How awesome to have a buyer in hand! It's a dream come true for anyone to know that they have an out if they ever decide to move. 

We have lived here for a year and this is the second time that I have met this neighbor. He was the first person to come introduce himself when we moved in. He then promptly left for the middle east because he was working as a contractor for something out there and has been gone for a year. He is home now for a little while for some R and R before he goes back. He's a really nice guy and I genuinely like him, but as soon as he left my mind started reeling. 

Why does he want to buy our house? He has a perfectly good house next door. Probably even bigger than our house so why would he want to move into a smaller house?

My first thought was, oh my word he's getting divorced and he wants our house so that he can live next door to his ex so he can see his kids all the time. Then I started feeling really bad for the guy and was thinking, oh no, we should sell our house to him. He needs to be by his kids. He needs our house more than we do. Then I realized that I was being a little absurd. Just a smidge. I can't just go selling my house because I feel bad for the guy. Sometimes my emotions run my decision making process, can you tell?

Thought number two: When we bought our house, it was a bit of a hassle getting the paper work done because one of the previous owners (not the people we bought it from, the owner before them) was accused of embezzling some money. A lot of money. Something to the tune of 50 million dollars. That in itself makes me question why a guy who embezzled that much money would have this house. I mean, I love my house and all, and I think it is great, but it is not the house that someone who has millions of dollars lives in. He at least could have sprung for some real hardwood instead of the hardwood laminate. And he could have gotten some nicer light fixtures instead of the tacky gold/brass ones that were here. I would have loved it if he had done that because then we wouldn't have had to buy and install all the new lighting. 

Anyhow, guy with embezzled millions used to own the house (although I honestly don't know that he ever lived here, but he did own it). Illegal money equals money you have to hide. Now I'm suddenly wondering if there is money in my walls or under the house some where. 

Thought number 3: This is Alaska, there was a gold rush here. Maybe someone stashed some gold somewhere on our property or under our house. Seriously my most ludicrous thought by far, but it still popped in my brain. 

And that is just the way my mind works. Maybe he is just looking for some real estate investments. Maybe he wants his to give our house to his parents. I'm sure there is a perfectly logical, non sinister explanation that doesn't involve divorce, hidden money, or buried treasure, but that just wouldn't be as entertaining.  

I had better start believing one of those logical explanations soon before I start punching holes in my walls looking for cash.

She found it

I am the mean mom who hides the glitter. I may bust it out on special occasions, but for the most part, I like it hidden. It is just too messy, and if this is coming from me it must be really bad, because I am certainly not a model wife/mother when it comes to house cleaning. I love a clean house, but I hate cleaning. Cleaning makes me grouchy. I pray every night that I will turn into one of those women who cleans whenever they are frustrated, or upset, or just plain mad, but I wake up every day still loathing the idea of having to clean my house. My second prayer is that some day I can hire a cleaning lady. I'll keep praying. Maybe you can put me on your prayer chain.

So I hid the glitter. I hid it in the cupboard with the bread. After a few months Princess Blondie found it. She must have gotten hungry. 

You know, for someone who doesn't like it, I sure did buy an industrial size bottle of glitter. This should last until she is eighteen, at least. She can probably pass it down to her own children and she can hide it from my grand kids.

Look at her. She is so proud of herself. I don't have the heart to hide it again. I'll just have to live with glitter all over everything from here on out. But now gramma and grampa need to watch out. If you any any mail from our house I would open it outside, or at least over the sink, because you are about to get glitter-fied.

I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house down...

I'd planned on writing all about how beautiful Alaska is in autumn. A few days ago the trees were at their peak and everything glowed yellow. We had sunshine and blue skies every day. Then we had a windstorm. I don't really know what else to call it. During the fall and winter, sometimes the wind just decides to blow. No rain, no snow, it just blows. It blows hard. We're talking hurricane force winds here (and I'm really not exaggerating. Really!). It blows for a few days and usually our power goes out because a tree ALWAYS lands on a power line. My sister five miles away ALWAYS still has power. That is when I curse the power company. The kids slept in bed with me the first night of our windstorm because our power went out (surprise!) and they were scared. I should rephrase that sentence. The kids slept in bed with me while I got smothered and kicked all night and nearly died of a heat stroke from our collective body heat. However,  I don't blame them for being scared. I was scared too, but that's not really something you tell your kids when you are trying to comfort them. I thought for sure the next big gust of wind was going to bring a tree down on our roof and our roof would collapse and squash us. In the end, the wind did bring a lot of trees down that night, but none on our roof. Luckily, all the trees here are pretty skinny, so even if they do land on a few roofs, the roofs can take it and no one gets crushed in their sleep. What a relief! Phew!

So thanks to our wind storm we no longer have lovely gold leaves on all of the trees. Now we have lovely gold leaves on everything but the trees. The trees are so sad and naked now.

Here are the fall photos from three days ago that I took. When it was still lovely. 

This is the color that nearly every tree turns in the fall. We have mostly birch and cottonwood and they all turn a beautiful goldenrod color in autumn. Some are slightly more brown like this one.

Others are a beautiful bright yellow like this one.

I loved this view from the tire swing. Sadly my children will not get to enjoy this view this year. The tree is now bare.

While the trees turn yellow, many of the plants and bushes turn red.

Yellow leaves above...

and red leaves below.

But the devils club turns yellow. It has to be obstinate.

I believe that this is highbush cranberry.

More red berries. I don't know what they are. I don't dare eat anything after watching Into The Wild. He ate something that looked very much like something that was supposed to be edible. It was a close cousin of what he thought it was. It was also very toxic. He died. I like to learn my life lessons from movies so I decided that I will eat nothing that I can't name with 100% certainty.


 

This was my garden a few days ago. Poppies, phlox, lobelia, pansies, and more. One of the traits that I inherited from my mother was my love for flower gardens.  My garden is now in a very sad state.

This poppy came from seeds that I took from my moms garden when I visited Michigan last summer. We went and snatched a bunch of seed pods and I took them to Alaska with me. They LOVE Alaska. They've been going crazy all summer.

I loved this one. She just opened and her pod was stuck on her like a little hat. Her hat is long gone now thanks to the wind.

Just so you know the full effects of what a windstorm can do to beautiful fall days.

Before windstorm.

Same view. After windstorm.

Before windstorm.

After windstorm.

Some of the trees clung to their leaves for dear life and still have a few to show for their effort. I admire their tenacity.

This morning

Here's a little view into my morning. 

The kids were brushing their teeth upstairs and spotted this moose in the back yard. 

Then we came downstairs to look out the big bay window and spotted her friend with her.

They were young. They've visited us before. They like our backyard and our neighbors front yard. They also like my delphinium. They must not be toxic to moose, as they are to humans, because they ate the whole blasted stalk of flowers. They were kind enough to leave the rest of the plant. They just ate the flowers.

This is my view from my computer desk this morning. Autumn is in full swing. In fact, we are at the peak and headed for the down slide now. I don't like the down slide because once you hit the bottom it's winter. After our really gloomy summer, I'm not quite ready for winter yet. At least our fall has been beautiful. It has been sunny and gorgeous for the past two weeks. 

This is the view of my boy's creation. He started digging this pile of dirt a few weeks ago because he wanted to bury something. He didn't care what, he just wanted something to bury. And to play with DH's post hole digger. Burying a rock or an old busted up toy is much better than burying his sister. I was not so lucky as a kid. As the youngest of four I was the thing that got buried. They were kind enough to leave my head poking out. And they didn't leave me there, obviously, because here I am.

This is also where toys come to die, so I suppose it is appropriate that he wanted to bury them. The thing that I find most funny about this whole scenario is that there is a sand box about 15 feet away and yet he has been playing in this pile of dirt. Until a week ago it was a mud pit. I finally put the kibosh on the hose. He'd already done enough damage.

Fun with Produce

Things are just big in Alaska. The state itself is just plain huge. Our borough (Alaskan for county) is the size of West Virginia, just to give you a little perspective.  So I suppose that it would only be fitting that the worlds largest produce is grown here. The summer days with about 20 hours of daylight are really helpful for growing large stuff. I'll tell you a little secret though. A lot (if not all) of this stuff is started inside a greenhouse in the middle of winter. While we may have a lot of sunlight, it still is simply not warm enough to put that stuff outside. I learned a valuable lesson concerning tomatoes this year. I bought three lovely tomato plants this spring. I planted them in my garden. Fall has arrived and I do not have a single tomato. It is just not warm enough here. I need a greenhouse. 

 

Meet the world's largest pumpkin. He weighs in at a whopping 1,101 lbs. 

 

 

Second place.

And this measly little guy was in third. They were all pretty close to weighing a half ton. That's a lot of pie.

The other big highlight of the fair is the winner of the largest cabbage contest. I think the winner this year was around 90 lbs.

This is a big zucchini. A 7.25 lb zucchini to be exact.

Here is a little man made of produce.
I think this particular contest with produce had to be my favorite. This section was to see who could create the best little creatures out of veggies and such. I loved this. This is definitely something that I could get caught up in if I ever entered. How fun.

I don't know what this is supposed to be but I love his nose. He reminds me of Walter Matthau from Grumpy Old Men.

This one looks like the cabbage version of anime.

One hungry little caterpillar.

I'll be honest, I don't know what this is supposed to be. The sticks/antlers in the head make me think deer or moose, but the leaves stuck to the back like wings are really throwing me off. Anyone have a guess?

Love this guy. He looks like a Muppet. Or he could also be a character from Wallace and Grommet.

This one won the grand prize and I can see why. I love that he can stand on his own four feet. I love the bean tusks and flowered trunk. My favorite part is the flower/moppet of hair on top of his head. He just makes me smile. I first think of Snuffleupagus from Sesame Street and Heffalump from Winnie the Poo. Obviously my first thought should have been 'elephant.'
Can you tell I have young kids? I didn't think so.